Lawd, I am proof of that!
If I read that statement 5 years ago I would have thought this person was bonkers! Really? No talking and I can release the control PTSD has over me? Psh, girl you are crazy! Then I discovered Reiki and I understood how true that statement really was.
For years I’ve always wanted to heal from my many lists of traumas but I thought the only way to do so was by talking it out with a therapist. Unfortunately, I didn’t want to talk about it, especially with some random person. I had a lot of shame, guilt and yuckiness about my trauma and the thought of saying it out loud made me physically ill. So I chose the “Suck it up, buttercup” method.
It worked out perfectly until my mind and body tapped out and I wanted to “check out” of this human experience.
At that moment I made the decision to at least make my PTSD manageable. So I sucked it up and made an appointment with a therapist who never showed up. Welp this strengthened my abandonment issues. In my desperation and with the help of Google, I discovered Reiki, an energy healing technique. It seemed too good to be true and I was skeptical when the description said that just by laying on a table I can release depression, anxiety and boost my immune system while the person was sending laser beams of energy through their hands to me. That’s how I interpreted it.
I said “F*ck it” and booked an appointment.
I felt bad for this wonderful woman because I unleashed buckets of tears the moment I walked into the room. Through the tears I told her that I have PTSD, I’m scared and I don’t want to live like this anymore. She gave me comfort by telling me that I didn’t have to and that I’ve come to the right place.
It’s hard to describe how I felt after my first laser beam experience; I felt peaceful and a weight lifted off my shoulders but the best feeling I felt was Hope. Hope that I can be happy, heal from my trauma, and I don't have to say a word about it. What kind of voodoo, exorcism, magic did I Just experience?! I didn’t understand it but I was hooked!
I continued to get Reiki done on a regular basis and felt better each time. I was becoming more aware of when emotions surfaced, feeling them the best that I could, and I was also feeling safe in my body which was HUGE for me because I broke that mind-body relationship years ago. I was calmer and managed stress way better. Friends and family began noticing a change within me. Even the people I was arresting and pulling over would make comments on how calming my energy was. It was wild!
What’s amazing about this whole experience is that I never talked about my trauma. The only thing my Reiki Practitioner knew was that I was abused as a child and I was a Police Officer. But a funny thing happened 6 months into my reiki sessions, I felt safe enough to talk about it with her. I was emotional, of course, but I wasn’t afraid or felt physically ill….or the need to throw a flashbang and get the heck outta there! It was incredible.
Energy healing saved my life. It opened my eyes on healing, trauma and how powerful we truly can be. Today, I rarely get triggers and when I do I know how to calm myself, feel it, and release it. I can openly talk about my traumatic events without fear, guilt or shame. I actually don’t have any emotion towards it anymore. I have less of a need to control things and more of a “go with the flow” lifestyle. I’m so damn happy and It’s freeing.
I’m always sharing my experience with you because I know how lonely it can be. I know what it is like to feel hopeless, shameful, broken, defeated, unlovable, and so forth. Knowing that some days you just feel like you are going insane when you have no control of your mind, body and your reactions. Plus, constantly living in fear and not allowing yourself to be happy because you believe that you don’t deserve it. But you don’t have to live this way anymore.
I know energy healing can sound silly when you really think about it but it is POWERFUL! Remember, everything and everyone is energy whether you like it or not and this includes trauma, emotions and stress. Energy healing calms your nervous system in order to release your stored trauma and emotions so YOU can heal yourself. Your body will no longer feel like it’s reliving the past and your triggers will begin to dissolve. Plus, the best part of energy healing is that talking about or reliving your trauma is not required. I PROMISE! However, maybe one day you will feel that urge to talk about it just like I did.
You deserve to be happy. You can heal from your past. You are more powerful than you think!
Want to release your trauma and Level Up your life? Book a session today!
Samantha Bailey
Reiki Master Teacher
Emotion/Body Code Practitioner
PTSD Warrior