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In Order To Clean You Have To See The Dirt

What is this dirt? Your emotions, thought patterns, stress aka that emotional baggage from the past. Let me tell you my spirituality origin story

When people first discover spirituality they think it’s going to be all sunshine and rainbows, which it can be but we also reject bad and the ugly. We believe we are spiritual enough if we have a negative emotion or have a mental breakdown. So we look at this thing called “toxic positivity” and we pretend everything is ok and we suppress everything… which makes everything worse! This comes from personal experience… Let me tell you my spirituality origin story…

When I first discovered spirituality I thought I could finally take my life back and heal myself. I was consumed by depression, anxiety and my good friend PTSD. I was desperate for change and spirituality sounded super sweet to me.

However, I found myself on the side of spirituality where “if you have a negative emotion and/or thought you will attract bad things into your life.” Welp, that's not terrifying at all! So I suppressed my emotions even more and pretended like everything was razzmatazz. Oh why hello “Toxic Positivity!” What ended up happening is that I felt WORSE and I was a ball of anxiety. I was so afraid of my emotions and I was terrified of attracting horrible things. Anytime I felt a negative emotion I would do everything in my power to take my attention away from it and act like it didn’t exist. I felt like I was failing at spirituality.

After some time I told spirituality to pound sand and went back to my old ways… which led to a mental breakdown… which led me to Reiki… and my second introduction to spirituality, the healthy kind. So…

I had to start looking at the Dirt.

I began the process of feeling safe in my body, acknowledging my emotions and where I felt them in my body. Since I was the all star champion of being emotionally numb, I just simply became aware of what was happening in my body and that was difficult (and super scary!). Then I graduated to learning how to release emotions, paying attention to how I talked to myself (I was a d*ck), and observing my behaviors… I was the queen of people-pleasing and I didn’t know what boundaries were.

The biggest, most painful dirt pile I had to clean was taking responsibility for my life. I had to stop blaming others and my past for my problems and wellbeing. Plus stop forcing other people to change so I could feel better…. Woowee it was a doozy!

But it was totally worth it even through my worst days because I feel so free and empowered.

Here are my words of wisdom, look at your dirt. I know it can be scary but these beautiful dirt piles are your creation and responsibility. No one else’s. Spirituality is all about being authentic with yourself and having a real good look at what kind of dirt piles are you holding onto. The best part is that there are PLENTY of tools out there to help you clean them up such as Energy healing, journaling, breathwork, EFT Tapping, going to a rage room, and so much more.

It’s safe for you to look at your dirt. I can’t promise it will be easy, lord knows I’ve had a mental breakdown or two (or 10 or 20), but I can promise you that your life will change for the better!


Samantha Bailey

Reiki Master Teacher

Emotion/Body Code Practitioner

PTSD Warrior

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